On mat, off mat

Ah, I can not even wrote it, so don't ask me to pronounce it: eka-pada-raja-kapotasana...uffff. As hard as it looks, as hard it is to do! When I saw it first time on the internet, I could not believe that somebody "normal" (define normal...) can really do it.
Then i saw some you tube video of Christina Sell, Anusara teacher, and it looked much more accessible. So I started to "train". In the word TRAIN I don t feel exactly yoga, but let s say I was practicing and preparing my body for more flexibility in my back, my shoulders, and my hips. Not piece of cake at all!

I spent december trying, and trying, and again and again...frustrated, in pain, and so eager of result, that of course i hurt myself just before Christmas. My right shoulder is painful still now.
So in january, I just stopped it. My shoulder was too painful, and my ego finally bended and let it go. What the heck am I doing on the mat? Hurting myself, counting hours I m practicing, in believe that if I practice enough, I can do it...yes, but why? Just for satisfaction of my ego and nothing else. There is not deep connection with my mind, and my breath, asana is not steady and joyful, so why and what?

At least the clarity came and i was able to forget Eka-pada...you see, actually it is easy to forget:)

But somehow the hours at the wall get their blueprint in my body, and yesterday after the class i was teaching I stayed. I wanted just to bend little bit and relax, but I was walking spontaneously towards the wall, get to the pigeon, blocked my knee against the wall and start slowly bring my hand toward the foot...then UP...and then bringing my head toward foot AND hand...magic. It last one nanosecond.
It was just subtle and futile like the by-the-way kiss between the door. But IT happened! Effortlessly!The feeling was there. The discovery, the tangible, the AHA moment was there.
With it of course also the desire to try again, to feel it again...

This happened on the mat, so i reflected about this magic moment, because the sensation was so familiar. And I feel that in our discovery of ourselves we live the same effort and magic. First we know the concept, like of Ego, Higher Self, Letting go and so on...easy to say, hard to do. But we keep trying. Sometimes we even get hurt. And we try over and over again. And one day, when we Let go, when we detach from it, it happen. The AHA moment. The realization. Inscription of it in our skin, in our cells. And then...we try again, we practice again, effortlessly but with consistency. And it become part of us.
And we bring our experience from mat off, in the world, in the life.

Like me and Eka-pa...oh no, I wrote : EFFORTLESSLY! I m not yet there! So ... let s practice:)

Love - For Jackee

4 Mantras for True Love of Thich Nhat Hanh:

1. “Darling, I am here for you”. If you really love someone, you have to be fully present for him or her.
2. “ I know you are there and I m very happy”. To be truly present and know that the other is also there is a miracle.
3. “ Darling, I know you are suffering. That is why I am here for you.”  If you are mindful, you will notice when your bellowed is suffering.
4. “ Darling, I am suffering. Please help”. This mantra we practice when we suffer. Only six words, but sometimes they are difficult to say because of the pride in our hearts, especially if it was the person we love whom we believe caused us to suffer.

I was working tonight on the 4th chakra for our detox week, and while I was copying the lines form Thich Nhat Hahn, I was feeling deep emotions running in my body. The blood became warmer, the heart was expanding, the breath deepened. 

The reflexion is about love, and specifically about unconditional love. How many times we are mistaking the love just with our fear of being alone and grabbing on somebody else? How often we think we love, but we  expect the same feeling back. How many times we fall in love and we hope that the person will change for us. How many discussions finish in tears and " If you..."

So I was writing about unconditional love, and the word itself is already WITHOUT conditions, still we put so many since the first date. When I was 14, I remembered one quotation, I don t know who said it:" If we really love somebody, he has all right on us, even not to love us back. "

And for me, unconditional love is this. Be here, be present, be mindful, and cherish this magic feeling in our heart whatever happen, without expectation, because at the end, the most important is not to have the love back from somebody else, but feel this warm light inside of us...and this sensation, this light, is ours. Nobody can take it away from us.

So next time you feel in love or unhappy because of non-reciprocity, think about the magic gift the life just offered to you and observe if you love to be loved back or if you LOVE!

Integrity

We are all at the moment of closing one year and opening the new, making our resolutions and reflecting on what we learnt from the past. 
Somehow the 2010 was the bit year in my life: I passed from the mat in the corner of the class to the mat in front...as a teacher. This space change brought a lot of new experiences and learning for me. 
One of the most important is about the teacher integrity. Of course it is not obvious to start teach...and I am deeply grateful to all my "students" to give me their trust and their courage to come to the class! I m thankful to Prasad for letting me teach his students during the Canada trip and come' on, you need to have solid plexus to take the class after him! :)

I realized how difficult it can be to go and teach, to share, when I was tired and down. How demanding it is to concentrate few hours s in the row to give my best on mat, out mat. I lived the moment of panic (oh yes): how I will do this? 
And of course, I had also a lot of "You have to..." , "You should not...". Free advices. Comparison. Criticism. I was happy for it as it is always interesting to see some new perspective . It gave me opportunity to answer to myself few questions.

For the while, I believe that the teacher is accountable to his higher Self. He cannot teach to please others. He has to take in consideration specificity of each of his students, and the relationship with the student, if students feels the need and attraction to the path, is going much farer then just 60-90 minutes on the mat. 
As a teacher, I feel true Love and concern for all my students. Some of them will share also in their private life, some of them just come and leave. But I m not here neither to please them, neither to avoid the deeper contact. 

The teacher should give his best, according to the moment in his life, in his day...and let everybody work on themselves, being here when they need. Many will take it, but many will also let it be. The moment for taking, giving and sharing is specific for each of us.

The teacher should protect his students and create a safe environment for the learning...but let them experience independently their own steps. There is not IDEAL situation, environment, moment. Always something happen, but this is the part of the process: learn to stay stable whatever happen. 

And last, but not least, the teacher should stay loyal to his personal integrity. I will not teach like this or like that because somebody is not happy with my teaching or my being. I truly believe that we, as teachers, we have commitment toward ourselves and we are teaching not what we KNOW, but who we ARE. Yes, we have to be flexible, this is what we teach, but we have to keep our Spine straight and whole. Because it is only when we teach who we are, we are in our Heart, in our Truth. And our students feel it..its name is Love :)

Expect unexpected

It was unexpected yoga class. My two friends and students show up with their parents and parents in law respectively. The plan to do the detox class after the  New Year's Eve season was disappearing and I was observing the jewelry on ladies and belts on gentlemen...seriously?
My brain started to run. What do  I know about the yoga for seniors ? What is the Emergency  phone?

I started the class, with obvious questions about health conditions, injuries, surgeries...and little explanation what it is yoga, about connection of body and mind...and I was anxiously waiting for some inspiration what to DO!

And with my deep exhale I get it: nothing to DO, just to BE. And to be in the present, we concentrate on the breath.
So we started with some deep breathing, and after that  the class just flowed in peace. They were impressive. With the total commitment, with effort, for sure, but also the dedication and amazing will power, all  seniors flowed from one asana to another...in very first time in their life in the age 70-75 years old!

It was incredible class, inspiring the humbleness and admiration. Thank you for such a life lesson...

PS: Today one of the ladies told me: When I go back to Holland, I will start the yoga! Here we go!

New Year's resolution

" Darlings, come here, I need your help",  was my first sentence  this morning.
 I explained to my teens (Daniel, 12 1/2, Noemie nearly 14, Elie 9 was too busy with Dofus) that in my New Year resolution is  WRITE BLOG, and now I need the name for the blog.
Daniel started his inquire about what I will write. About yoga? Or about our life in India? Or? I explained that it will be about yoga, but not only. It will be more about what we are living, all of us together, and the yoga is definitely part of the adventure!

Fallowed propositions:

Daniel:
-Free hug yoga
-Peace, love and family
-5 and 1/2 dog (for Kimi)

Me, inspired:
-High Five (as we are five members of our family plus dog)

I was already to fill it in the form, when Noemie, sitting on my desk, just said:
EMBARRASSING MOTHER

It hit me. This label glue on me since two years now.
Ok, let s doing it! Here we go, my New Year resolution blog, Embarrassing mother...and proud of being it!

Noemie had quit amazed smile, then asked me innocently if I m planning to write in English.
" Oh yes, I will try" was my answer.
"Good luck with it" she exhaled in genuine desperation and left my desk.
Behing my back I just heart her telling my husband:
"Watch yourself. She has a blog now..."

Happy year 2011 to all of you, smile, love, new perspective and dreams without limits!