Back to school

I had this strange feeling that i will have nothing to write. As my kids are getting "older" more "mature", I passed from embarrassing mother to annoying mother. Why not?

The truth  is, I m annoyed. After 3 days of school, I feel probably more annoyed then kids.

I feel annoyed that even in the country like Ireland the girls are prohibited to wear short skirts and shorts. Not that I m encouraging it, but as much as I can understand it in India (and still not agree), I don t see the point in Dublin, where people on the street is walking in skirts looking more like a belt to me...I m probably having annoying view, but I feel difficulties to explain to my teens to love their body, respect their body, when the messages they get that there is something very inappropriate with their body...because in the french system we are agains wearing burka in the name of laicity and freedom, but the short is prohibited in the name of respect...of what?  I don t get it.

Daniel, 8 grader, while asking if he is bilingual, answered: "NO, trilingual". For once (can I believe it?), he was answering correctly and politely. The class get hilarious about his answer and he get congratulations how he pulled leg of the teacher...apparently the teacher did not react at all. The fact is that Daniel IS trilingual (hey, Daniel, I m proud of you btw...). Ooops, we can forget very quickly that there are kids much more then trilingual and that in India many people speaks several languages.

This make me more smile, but what annoy me seriously, is the POINT of GOOD BEHAVIOR system in Elie's class ( 5th grade).

" In the class, we have a system to encourage us to respect the rules of 5th grade. If we don t respect the rules, we can have 5,3, or 1 penalty points. At the end of the week, we will be placed in the group of autonomy in function of the number of penalties. More penalties, less rights.". 
(todays note)


Not to be aligned after recess quickly...one point of penalty.
Not to work quickly in the class, one point of penalty.
Not to move calmly, silently and with utility in the class...one point.
Not to obeyed the adults in the school...5 points.
To be insolent after the remarque of adult...5 points.

In total 26 "anti-rules", where you can get the penalty points. But who says what is insolent, what is quickly, and what is utility? Is not the personal perception that we may have each different?

As much as I want my child to be polite, to respect others, not only adults, but all, including children, I want them to learn and be calm,  also want them free, spontaneous, smiling and happy. I want the school the space where kids have a right to ask, not to agree , express their needs and go with the pleasure and joy instead of fear of punishment.

Now, what to do? Go to see the teacher and ask him from where this is coming? Propose the "positive" reinforcement instead of punishment? Explain to the teacher that he can t really cut the rights of the children ( To be respected and safe, To work, To make mistakes, To eat in peace),  because then he is cutting their fundamental rights? Make my "yoga" talk about positive thinking, about positive affirmation, and positive attitude in the life? About Freedom? Love? Hmmmm....
I don t think it would be appreciated...

So I can shut up and feel bad every morning  because I m sending my son in the school with feeling of fear of punishment (hey, and what if he wants to be in the group with his friend so he will do some punishable stuff to make sure to get points?? And how about the feeling being ALWAYS in the worst group? What it is as feedback? I m BAD all year long?).
Let s face it, it is not about me, it is about Elie and his capacity to face new system and new school, new rules.
But it does not feel well...so far.

Stress management

So since few weeks I m working on workshop about stress management. Last saturday I decided and announced home that I need calm afternoon to start to write. Somehow my quiet writing time turned out to be true stressed management practice. Daniel came from soccer training with 2 friends, one supposedly staying for sleep over. Noemie invited after her theatre practice 3 friends to make cookies in the afternoon, one staying for sleep over. As I was also expecting friends arriving in the night from Europe, family of 4, and my father is visiting, the house seemed little overcrowded. But at the end we made it: 15 people during the day, 12 for sleep over. YES!

As I was writing all symptoms of stress, I was observing my reaction second day in Waterstone club, when I was trying to handle 2 different cars, 3 languages, and many different desires of ones and the others. The cherry on the cake was Daniel, my 12y old, leaving for the pain- ball with a new driver, his phone switched off, driver answering me he is NOT with my son, and I spent one hour of chasing the trace of my son somewhere in the 20 billions crowded city...Olwyn, not only you amazed me that you are reading this blog, but you also handled all this situation and thanks for Daniel!

So yes, I was at home, Sunday evening,  hysterical, screaming on people, barging on my loved ones, and writing about stress management. Over and over again I reminded myself that I can relax, and I can let the body to have a rest, and I have to step back from the situation and just observe it. And over and over again my hands were cold, my head was screaming, I felt dry mouth, palpitation, restlessness and NO breathing. Breath, girl, breath.

After another stressing Monday (meetings at school), and somehow exhausting night with my daughter sick just the night of her birthday,today I finished my stress management papers , I sent them to the printer, and I opened my email. I had 3 emails from my son insulting me because I dared to take away his computer time and electronics games and asked him to make up his math homework. I found also one more email from math teacher, not the pleasant one. When arrived at school, my vision get impaired, my head was spinning, and the inner feeling was: Did I drunk the bottle of vodka without knowing???

I wanted to handle the situation, I wanted to pretend I m fine, I wanted to make beautiful birthday to my daughter with the 14 white roses I brought for her, and wanted to do gentle stress management workshop with my friends in the evening. And I observed myself, with dizziness, and I felt that it is probably the moment to let go of my projects of perfect day for my great daughter and still greatest family and just surrender to the evidence that I pushed to far, too long, too blind. And I went to the nursery, take a nap, and woke up with my 3 kids watching on me, with my dad, with roses and helping me down of the bed. One took flowers, one took my bad, and one took me, and we went out of the school, in the nice sunny day of Mumbai.
Looks like happy end. But it is not. Elie just continued with demands...of my time, of my phone, of my attention. Others screamed on him to stop it. He screamed on them to let him alone (easy in the car). And I watched it again. Kind of heat coming from the solar plexus to the brain. Sweating. The breath is not shallow, the breath is inexistent. The belly start to feel with little cramp. Stomach is floating like before vomit. Eyes are not able to focus. Chest is becoming heavy and there is kind of pain in the middle while you try to catch the breath. Your ears can not support any noise anymore. You can not support anybody anymore and any new demand anyway...

The first sentence and definition of stress on my papers is:


ANY SITUATION WHICH PUTS EXTRA DEMANDS ON US IS CALLED STRESS.

I feel like the last 3 days, I had my great deal of practice of my teaching. And after all this I confirm: move your body, sleep, watch your diet, whatever books and adds and magazines say. But if there is one thing to do absolutely, it is

BREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH.

And if you feel any sympathy with my writing above, please start to breath RIGHT NOW:):):)


PS: The stress management workshop of tonight...cancelled. I decided to stay home and breath...